As the ABDL* population has grown, many younger ABDL* people have mulled over the idea of coming out to either their family or friends. The issue of coming out is hotly debated amongst the ABDL* community. This page is dedicated to helping those who wish to be out or wish to explore the possibility of coming out. Traditionally, ABDL* individuals rarely come out of the closet about being ABDL*. Within the last decade several ABDL*s have been on TV, and social attitudes towards individual differences have become more lax in some settings.
Below are some of the reasons proposed for coming out of the closet as an ABDL*:
1. End Feelings of Isolation/Have a Support System- On-line communities certainly help tackle the loneliness, however face to face interaction is better than talking with complete strangers. Additionally friends and family are much more likely to be involved in your life, and more likely to be there for you when you need them than strangers. Non-ABDL*s may also offer different perspectives and guidance than anyone within the ABDL* community has to offer. Ultimately having someone physically present to talk to on a daily basis is crucial to remaining mentally healthy. Having the support of your family and friends can enhance one's safety as well. Sneaking out to a fetish event or a date with a stranger you met on the internet can be potentially hazardous. It is always best to tell someone where you are going.
2. Come Out On Your Own Terms-
Many ABDL* individuals fear being outed because it will be on someone else's terms. When ABDL*s are exposed it can be extremely damaging because it is so abrupt and none of the parties involved are prepared. It is usually best to come out rather than become accidentally exposed.
3. Be A Positive Role Model/End ABDL-phobia-
The more individuals that come out as ABDL* the more accurate our public image will eventually be. The small handful of ABDL*s who are out is not significant enough to be representative of the community as a whole, and thus our public image is distorted. ABDL*s come from all walks of life. The reality is that ABDL*s are not just a handful of weird people, we are a diverse and dynamic group of people. The world must see a more representative slice of the ABDL+ population if they are to react in a neutral respectful way.
4. Don’t Limit Yourself-
Some ABDL*s are content living their entire lives in the closet, however this is not ideal for many. Some of us desire more than wearing diapers behind closed doors. For some ABDL*s, their identities, self-expression and even romantic leanings are influenced by being ABDL*s.
Finding that special someone without disclosing one’s ABDL*ness is difficult, and in some instances leads to one being consistently incompatible with others. ABDL*s are a minority, and as such, the overwhelming majority of ABDL*s date outside of the ABDL* community. Not everyone outside the community is supportive of ABDL*s. Many ABDL*s have unique emotional needs that must be met for them to remain healthy and mentally balanced. Choosing to ignore these needs is unfair to oneself. On the flip side, surprising a significant other too far into a long-term relationship is also extremely unfair.
5. Don’t Let Others Define You-
Even within our families and small local communities we need to define ourselves. Hiding ABDL* from friends and family is virtually impossible. It is always better to be confident and come out rather than be caught and hang your head low. People are far more likely to react negatively if they see a person who is ashamed of being ABDL* rather than a person who is cool and collected. Being coy and ashamed only serves to strengthen the misconception that ABDL*s are weak and "bad". Much of life is about how you present yourself. People pick up on your discomfort. Being secretive and awkward about being ABDL* only makes people see ABDL* as something negative that needs to be "fixed".
6. Health Risks-
Stigma related stress contributes to depression and anxiety. A “closeted mind” is a strain on the human body that may have unpredictable consequences later in life. LGBTQ People who come out have measurably lower levels of stress hormones such as cortisol in their bodies than those who are still in the closet. It is not unreasonable to assume that coming out as an ABDL* will garner at least some of the same health benefits. Some ABDL+s feel very uncomfortable in their own bodies and may experience stress similar to that brought about by gender dysphoria and may benefit from counseling.
7. Other ABDL*s Are Already Out-
This isn't 1995. ABDL*s are everywhere. When the ABDL* community first started there were only a few hundred individuals. Now ABDL*s are in the hundreds of thousands, and are represented in almost every developed country in the world. Being closeted and flying under the radar has become increasingly difficult and will become much harder as more people are exposed to ABDL*. Other ABDL*s have already taken the bold step of coming out. They have blown the lid off. If one types “ABDL” into search engine, something will come up. The closet is shrinking.
For those considering coming out it is important that they can answer these questions:
1. To whom do you want to come out/ be out to?
One can come out to a significant other, their family, their close friends, or the whole world. Coming out is almost never one swift move. Most people start by coming out to those closest to them, and then with support branch out.
2. What does ABDL* mean to me?
Every individual is unique. ABDL* is a spectrum. The different types of ABDL*s are very different. For some people ABDL* is a fetish that only serves the purpose of sexual gratification. Others may not view ABDL* sexually at all. Some people are more comfortable keeping their ABDL* private because it is strictly sexual in nature. Most people do not feel the need to share their kinks with anyone other than their significant other. Be prepared to explain what ABDL* means to you. The people you come out to may have seen ABDL*s on preconceived notions about what ABDL* is. It is important to be honest and set them straight. If it is not sexual, you will need to explain that to most people.
3. Is it safe to come out/are you prepared for the worst case scenario? Will your parents disown you?
Coming out is not worth being homeless or getting assaulted. Some people can react very badly. Common responses are calling you mentally ill and verbal harassment.
How To Come Out:
In the event that one does decide to come out I have listed some tips:
1. Be prepared
2. Talk to the person you are coming out to in person rather than just handing them a letter and barricading yourself in a closet if possible.
3. Have resources on hand to refer them to. Examples: This website, http://understanding.infantilism.org/, ADISC.org (also be careful here)
4. Be honest.
5. RELAX, nothing says ABDL* is a "bad" like freaking out during the coming out process. Again please don't run in your room, lock the door, and then start crying. You want whoever you are coming out to view your ABDL* in a positive light. If you mess up the coming out process your parent's first memory of ABDL* will be "that thing that made their child start crying".
Ultimately the manner in which one decides to come out will be a very personal matter... but there are some big "No no!s" to avoid discussed more in depth on my page: "Mistakes Commonly Made When Coming Out"
1. Be prepared
2. Talk to the person you are coming out to in person rather than just handing them a letter and barricading yourself in a closet if possible.
3. Have resources on hand to refer them to. Examples: This website, http://understanding.infantilism.org/, ADISC.org (also be careful here)
4. Be honest.
5. RELAX, nothing says ABDL* is a "bad" like freaking out during the coming out process. Again please don't run in your room, lock the door, and then start crying. You want whoever you are coming out to view your ABDL* in a positive light. If you mess up the coming out process your parent's first memory of ABDL* will be "that thing that made their child start crying".
Ultimately the manner in which one decides to come out will be a very personal matter... but there are some big "No no!s" to avoid discussed more in depth on my page: "Mistakes Commonly Made When Coming Out"