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You are perfect and beautiful exactly the way you are
Don't feed people negative ideas. Don't fan the flames. Don't give them ammo
Potential Bad Reactions:
1. "You are mentally ill and need to be cured"
2. "This is just a phase you will grow out of it"
3.
7. Set Boundaries
1. Be Honest- A critical mistake many ABDL*s have made after being outed is to try to downplay
2. Try to keep the lines of communication open.
3. Find a supportive person to talk to.
Honesty
Safety
As the ABDL* population has grown many younger ABDL* people have mulled over the idea of coming out to either their family or publically. The issue of coming out is hotly debated amongst the ABDL* community. This page is dedicated to helping those who wish to be out or wish to explore the possibility. Traditionally, ABDL* individuals rarely come out of the closet about being ABDL*. Within the last decade several ABDL*s have been on TV and social attitudes towards individual differences have become more lax.
Below are some of the reasons proposed for coming out of the closet as an ABDL*:
1. End Feelings of Isolation/Have a Support System-
Most ABDL*s keep their feelings bottled up for many years. Online communities certainly help tackle the loneliness, however face to face interaction is better than talking with complete strangers. Additionally friends and family are much more likely to be involved in your life and more likely to be there for you when you need them than strangers online. Non-ABDL*s may also offer different perspectives and guidance than anyone within the ABDL* community has to offer. Ultimately having someone physically present to talk to on a daily basis is crucial to remaining mentally healthy. Having the support of your family and friends can enhance one's safety as well. Sneaking out to a fetish event or a date with a stranger you met on the internet can be potentially hazardous. It is always best to tell someone where you are going.
2. Come Out On Your Own Terms-
Many ABDL* individuals fear being outed because it will be on someone else's terms. When ABDL*s are exposed it can be extremely damaging because it is so abrupt and none of the parties involved are prepared. It is usually best to come out rather than become accidentally exposed. Much less akward and frightening to come out than to be outed.
3. Be A Postive Role Model/End ABDL+-phobia-
The more individuals that come out as ABDL+ the more accurate our public image will eventually be. The small handful of ABDL+s who are out is not significant enough to be representative of the community as a whole, and thus our public image is distorted. ABDL+s come from all walks of life. The reality is that ABDL+s are not just a handful of weird people, we are a diverse and dynamic group of people who are just like everyone else on the planet. More Jane and John Doe type ABDL+s need to come out. Normal well-adjusted individuals make up the bulk of the community. The world must see a more representative slice of the ABDL+ population if they are to react in a neutral respectful way.
4. Don’t Limit Yourself-
Some ABDL*s are content living their entire lives in the closet, however this is not ideal for many. Some of us desire more than wearing diapers behind closed doors. For some ABDL*s, their personal preferences and daily life are influenced. Being in the closet means making serious sacrifices. Perhaps making sacrifices means not buying a crib for fear of it being discovered by guests. Or perhaps something worse like missing out on a happy fulfilling relationship. Finding that special someone without disclosing one’s ABDL+ is unfair, and in some instances leads to one being consistently incompatible with others. ABDL*s are a minority, and as such, the overwhelming majority of ABDL*s date outside of the ABDL* community. Not everyone outside the commuinty is accepting of ABDL*s. It would not make sense for an ABDL* to find a partner that cannot even tolerate being around any ABDL* behavior? ABDL* have unique emotional needs that must be met for them to remain healthy and mentally balanced. Choosing to ignore these needs is unfair. On the flip side, suprising a signifigant other too far into a long-term relationship is also extremely unfair.
5. Don’t Let Others Define You-
Even within our families and small local communities we need to define ourselves. Hiding ABDL* from friends and family is virtually impossible. It is always better to be confident and come out rather than be caught and hang your head low. People are far more likely to react negatively if they see a person is ashamed of being ABDL* rather than balanced and calm. Being coy and ashamed only serves to strengthen the misconception that ABDL*s are weak and "bad". Most parents freak out about their child being ABDL* because they think that their child is suffering from being ABDL*. Much of life is about presentation. People pick up on your discomfort. Being secretive and akward about ABDL* only makes people see ABDL* as something negative that needs to be "fixed".
6. Health Risks-
Stigma related Stress contributes to depression and is a system wide strain on the human body that may have unpredictable consequences later in life. People who come out about being LGTBQ* have measurably lower levels of stress hormones such as cortisol in their bodies than the elevated levels associated with being closeted. It is not unreasonable to assume that coming out as an ABDL* will garner at least some of the same health benefits. Ultimately the magnitude of benefits depends on the individual. Those ABDL+s who lose night after night of sleep would benefit most from coming out. Some ABDL+s feel very uncomfortable in their own bodies and may experience stress similar to that brought about by gender dysphoria. Living with high levels of stress is not healthy for anyone.
7. Other ABDL*s Are Already Out-
This isn't 1995. ABDL*s are everywhere. When the ABDL* community first started there were only a few hundred individuals. Now ABDL*s are in the hundreds of thousands, and are represented in almost every developed country in the world. Being closeted and flying under the radar has become increasingly difficult and will become much harder as more people are exposed to ABDL*. Other ABDL*s have already taken the bold step of coming out. They have blown the lid off. If one types “ABDL” into search engine, something will come up. The closet is shrinking.
For those considering coming out it is important that they can answer these questions:
1. One can come out to only a significant other, their family, their close friends, or the whole world.
2. What does ABDL* mean to me?
Every individual is unique. For some people ABDL* is a fetish that only serves the purpose of sexual gratification. Others may not view ABDL* sexually at all. Some people are more comfortable keeping their ABDL* private because it is strictly sexual in nature. Most people do not feel the need to share their turn ons with anyone other than their significant other. Be prepared to explain what ABDL* means to you. The people you come out to may have seen ABDL*s on preconceived notions about what ABDL* is. It is important to be honest and set them straight.
3. Is it safe to come out/are you prepared for the worst case scenario?
Coming out is not worth being homeless or getting assaulted.
How To Come Out (Work in progress):
In the event that one does decide to come out I have listed some tips:
1. Be prepared
2. Talk to the person you are coming out to in person rather than just handing them a letter and barricading yourself in the closet like I did.
3. Have resources on hand to refer them to. Examples: This site, http://understanding.infantilism.org/, ADISC.org
4. Be honest.
5. RELAX, nothing says ABDL* is a bad thing like freaking out during the coming out process.
You are perfect and beautiful exactly the way you are
Don't feed people negative ideas. Don't fan the flames. Don't give them ammo
Potential Bad Reactions:
1. "You are mentally ill and need to be cured"
2. "This is just a phase you will grow out of it"
3.
7. Set Boundaries
1. Be Honest- A critical mistake many ABDL*s have made after being outed is to try to downplay
2. Try to keep the lines of communication open.
3. Find a supportive person to talk to.
Honesty
Safety
- People think that teens who say they aren't straight or cisgender teens are too young to really know their sexual orientation or gender identity.
- Some people hope that teens are just going through a stage, often because they are afraid orhomophobic.
- Someone might be legitimately confused about what it means to be gay or transgender and might not understand that a person is actually stating their identity.
As the ABDL* population has grown many younger ABDL* people have mulled over the idea of coming out to either their family or publically. The issue of coming out is hotly debated amongst the ABDL* community. This page is dedicated to helping those who wish to be out or wish to explore the possibility. Traditionally, ABDL* individuals rarely come out of the closet about being ABDL*. Within the last decade several ABDL*s have been on TV and social attitudes towards individual differences have become more lax.
Below are some of the reasons proposed for coming out of the closet as an ABDL*:
1. End Feelings of Isolation/Have a Support System-
Most ABDL*s keep their feelings bottled up for many years. Online communities certainly help tackle the loneliness, however face to face interaction is better than talking with complete strangers. Additionally friends and family are much more likely to be involved in your life and more likely to be there for you when you need them than strangers online. Non-ABDL*s may also offer different perspectives and guidance than anyone within the ABDL* community has to offer. Ultimately having someone physically present to talk to on a daily basis is crucial to remaining mentally healthy. Having the support of your family and friends can enhance one's safety as well. Sneaking out to a fetish event or a date with a stranger you met on the internet can be potentially hazardous. It is always best to tell someone where you are going.
2. Come Out On Your Own Terms-
Many ABDL* individuals fear being outed because it will be on someone else's terms. When ABDL*s are exposed it can be extremely damaging because it is so abrupt and none of the parties involved are prepared. It is usually best to come out rather than become accidentally exposed. Much less akward and frightening to come out than to be outed.
3. Be A Postive Role Model/End ABDL+-phobia-
The more individuals that come out as ABDL+ the more accurate our public image will eventually be. The small handful of ABDL+s who are out is not significant enough to be representative of the community as a whole, and thus our public image is distorted. ABDL+s come from all walks of life. The reality is that ABDL+s are not just a handful of weird people, we are a diverse and dynamic group of people who are just like everyone else on the planet. More Jane and John Doe type ABDL+s need to come out. Normal well-adjusted individuals make up the bulk of the community. The world must see a more representative slice of the ABDL+ population if they are to react in a neutral respectful way.
4. Don’t Limit Yourself-
Some ABDL*s are content living their entire lives in the closet, however this is not ideal for many. Some of us desire more than wearing diapers behind closed doors. For some ABDL*s, their personal preferences and daily life are influenced. Being in the closet means making serious sacrifices. Perhaps making sacrifices means not buying a crib for fear of it being discovered by guests. Or perhaps something worse like missing out on a happy fulfilling relationship. Finding that special someone without disclosing one’s ABDL+ is unfair, and in some instances leads to one being consistently incompatible with others. ABDL*s are a minority, and as such, the overwhelming majority of ABDL*s date outside of the ABDL* community. Not everyone outside the commuinty is accepting of ABDL*s. It would not make sense for an ABDL* to find a partner that cannot even tolerate being around any ABDL* behavior? ABDL* have unique emotional needs that must be met for them to remain healthy and mentally balanced. Choosing to ignore these needs is unfair. On the flip side, suprising a signifigant other too far into a long-term relationship is also extremely unfair.
5. Don’t Let Others Define You-
Even within our families and small local communities we need to define ourselves. Hiding ABDL* from friends and family is virtually impossible. It is always better to be confident and come out rather than be caught and hang your head low. People are far more likely to react negatively if they see a person is ashamed of being ABDL* rather than balanced and calm. Being coy and ashamed only serves to strengthen the misconception that ABDL*s are weak and "bad". Most parents freak out about their child being ABDL* because they think that their child is suffering from being ABDL*. Much of life is about presentation. People pick up on your discomfort. Being secretive and akward about ABDL* only makes people see ABDL* as something negative that needs to be "fixed".
6. Health Risks-
Stigma related Stress contributes to depression and is a system wide strain on the human body that may have unpredictable consequences later in life. People who come out about being LGTBQ* have measurably lower levels of stress hormones such as cortisol in their bodies than the elevated levels associated with being closeted. It is not unreasonable to assume that coming out as an ABDL* will garner at least some of the same health benefits. Ultimately the magnitude of benefits depends on the individual. Those ABDL+s who lose night after night of sleep would benefit most from coming out. Some ABDL+s feel very uncomfortable in their own bodies and may experience stress similar to that brought about by gender dysphoria. Living with high levels of stress is not healthy for anyone.
7. Other ABDL*s Are Already Out-
This isn't 1995. ABDL*s are everywhere. When the ABDL* community first started there were only a few hundred individuals. Now ABDL*s are in the hundreds of thousands, and are represented in almost every developed country in the world. Being closeted and flying under the radar has become increasingly difficult and will become much harder as more people are exposed to ABDL*. Other ABDL*s have already taken the bold step of coming out. They have blown the lid off. If one types “ABDL” into search engine, something will come up. The closet is shrinking.
For those considering coming out it is important that they can answer these questions:
1. One can come out to only a significant other, their family, their close friends, or the whole world.
2. What does ABDL* mean to me?
Every individual is unique. For some people ABDL* is a fetish that only serves the purpose of sexual gratification. Others may not view ABDL* sexually at all. Some people are more comfortable keeping their ABDL* private because it is strictly sexual in nature. Most people do not feel the need to share their turn ons with anyone other than their significant other. Be prepared to explain what ABDL* means to you. The people you come out to may have seen ABDL*s on preconceived notions about what ABDL* is. It is important to be honest and set them straight.
3. Is it safe to come out/are you prepared for the worst case scenario?
Coming out is not worth being homeless or getting assaulted.
How To Come Out (Work in progress):
In the event that one does decide to come out I have listed some tips:
1. Be prepared
2. Talk to the person you are coming out to in person rather than just handing them a letter and barricading yourself in the closet like I did.
3. Have resources on hand to refer them to. Examples: This site, http://understanding.infantilism.org/, ADISC.org
4. Be honest.
5. RELAX, nothing says ABDL* is a bad thing like freaking out during the coming out process.
