My Reactions to There's A Baby in My Bed! by Rosalie Bent
My initial reaction was positive but I had serious reservations about a book about ABDL*'s. This book pretty much sums up everything I find wrong with the ABDL* community as a whole. My main issue with this book is that lack of inclusiveness from not only the perspective of an ABDL* but also that of a queer person. The author demonstrates a clear lack of understanding when it comes to gender identification and by extension age identity. She makes up silly terms like "physical gender" (extremely insulting to the trans* community). Understanding gender identity is crucial to understanding the ABDL* spectrum not only because some types of ABDL*s incorporate gender bending, but more importantly because the ABDL* spectrum has age-related analogs to a lot of the concepts relevant to the trans* community. As a trans* ally and age-nonconforming person, this book has upset me a great deal. My "favorite" quote so far.... ugh...... "Fortunately, your little one's gender will be extremely obvious, even if you think he is hiding it". What? Gender is a personal matter. No one can ever decide someone else's gender. Besides, it is dangerous territory trying to guess how an ABDL* identifies because transgender ABDL*s, sissy ABDL*s, and even male ABDL*s into forced feminization can dress similarly. Ultimately it is never safe to assume.
Seeing as gender identity can be a great springboard to discussing (and pretty much forms the backbone of...) the ideas behind age-nonformity within ABDL* spectrum, it is obvious that this author will have no understanding of it. She makes a serious attempt to include the non-sexual Adult Babies into her book in numerous places, referring to them as "regressive AB's". The real issue I have is that she completely disregards, no erases those individuals within the ABDL* community that do not identify as adults. The stance she takes is that adult babies are 100 % adults and that they just regress. This is a perfectly valid way for some ABDL*s to explain thier ABDL*, but not all. She doesn't take into consideration those individuals who by embracing their ABDL* side are being thier true authentic selves. For some of us, our "adult side" is really just a front we show to the world. It is the same with the transgender community. I have heard so many stories about women who where assigned male at birth and spent the first 40 years of their lives being "the perfect masculine man" to make everyone but themselves happy. This happens to a lot of age-nonconforming ABDL*s. I would say I definitely fall into this trap. I spent my entire childhood trying to appear as mature as possible and developing an ellaborate false front. My favorite advice so far: your little one can mastrubate away their regressive desires. Seriously? And transwomen can mastrubate themselves into being men....(intense sarcasm).
My relationship advice for those attempting to have a relationship with an ABDL*:
1. You can't ask your partner to change or compromise anything. You can't "make it work", it is unfair to both parties involved. You can't ask an ABDL* partner to "tone it down". Its like asking your son to be less gay today.
2. ABDL*-ness shouldn't really cause any issues. Most messed up relationships involving ABDL*s are a result of one partner being gross/inconsiderate or some weird co-depency thing. If you took the ABDL*-ness out of these relationships they would still be dysfunctional.
3. Don't be afraid to move on if you can't deal with some behaviors. If you have a phobia of diapers, don't date an ABDL*.
Seeing as gender identity can be a great springboard to discussing (and pretty much forms the backbone of...) the ideas behind age-nonformity within ABDL* spectrum, it is obvious that this author will have no understanding of it. She makes a serious attempt to include the non-sexual Adult Babies into her book in numerous places, referring to them as "regressive AB's". The real issue I have is that she completely disregards, no erases those individuals within the ABDL* community that do not identify as adults. The stance she takes is that adult babies are 100 % adults and that they just regress. This is a perfectly valid way for some ABDL*s to explain thier ABDL*, but not all. She doesn't take into consideration those individuals who by embracing their ABDL* side are being thier true authentic selves. For some of us, our "adult side" is really just a front we show to the world. It is the same with the transgender community. I have heard so many stories about women who where assigned male at birth and spent the first 40 years of their lives being "the perfect masculine man" to make everyone but themselves happy. This happens to a lot of age-nonconforming ABDL*s. I would say I definitely fall into this trap. I spent my entire childhood trying to appear as mature as possible and developing an ellaborate false front. My favorite advice so far: your little one can mastrubate away their regressive desires. Seriously? And transwomen can mastrubate themselves into being men....(intense sarcasm).
My relationship advice for those attempting to have a relationship with an ABDL*:
1. You can't ask your partner to change or compromise anything. You can't "make it work", it is unfair to both parties involved. You can't ask an ABDL* partner to "tone it down". Its like asking your son to be less gay today.
2. ABDL*-ness shouldn't really cause any issues. Most messed up relationships involving ABDL*s are a result of one partner being gross/inconsiderate or some weird co-depency thing. If you took the ABDL*-ness out of these relationships they would still be dysfunctional.
3. Don't be afraid to move on if you can't deal with some behaviors. If you have a phobia of diapers, don't date an ABDL*.
